Every competitor would choose the thrill of the victory over the agony of defeat. But the reality of life is that one team or person wins, while the other has to lose. A parent has to help teens navigate the wins and losses in life and see that playing the game is about more than winning.

Parents can help their teens see the benefits of playing a sport and setting personal goals. Student athletes learn to manage time by attending practice and still getting their homework done. Sports participation can also provide an “appropriate” vent for teen stresses in a controlled setting. Teens can also develop exercise habits that can be carried throughout their lives. Losing also opens the door for character development.

Strategies

Losing is rarely fun, and it’s never easy. Here are some strategies that can help your family deal with losses in a positive manner.

· Encourage your teen to set personal goals beyond the scoreboard. You can celebrate your child’s individual accomplishments that may not even relate to the team’s standing.

· Identify at least one adult who is a nurturing voice after each loss. A nurturing voice can be a parent, a coach, or a good friend. While constructive criticism has its place, timing is vital! Be sure your teen hears a positive voice when everything seems to go wrong.

· Support the coaching staff at games and in the presence of your teen. If you need to discuss some concerns privately, there is a place and time for that. Avoid taking a coach to task in front of the athlete.

· Let the athlete influence how much you discuss the game. If the ride home is quieter than usual, that may be just what your child needs to think through the disappointment.

Lessons Aren’t Just for Teenagers

The losses experienced by student-athletes also present a learning opportunity for the parents involved. As adults, it would helps to ask ourselves the following questions:

· Why is winning so important to us?

· Does my behavior reflect my personal commitment to Jesus Christ?

· Am I bringing my past personal athletic success or failure into my teens’ experience?

The Game of Life

The experience on the athletic field provides a laboratory for life. When faced with defeat, the student-athlete, as in all circumstance, can look to God’s Word for strength, motivation, and wisdom.

· Strength. David, a warrior and future king, faced many challenges. Once, his troops even considered stoning him, but he retreated to God for help. (1 Sam. 30:6).

· Motivation. The Bible encourages believers to do their best in everything. The motivation in not for personal glory, but to honor the Lord (1 Cor. 9:24; Col. 3:23). Student-athletes can find something positive in any contest when they understand that they have done it for the Lord.

· Wisdom.When faced with loss, student-athletes may need the wisdom of Solomon as they deal with the immaturity of those surrounding them. Unfortunately, that can be seen in adults as well as peers. Paul told Timothy to steer clear of foolishness and to focus on what would “produce an even greater measure of godlessness” (2 Tim. 2:16). That’s still a valuable lesson.

The next time your teen’s team is losing, remember how God uses lopsided results to produce positive lessons. As a parent, be intentional about teaching (and learning) through losses. After all, the real win in life never shows up on a scoreboard.