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One Love,

JW

One of the toughest issues that most student ministers and parents face revolves around media and entertainment. Students want to be in the middle of all the newest movies, music, television, Internet, and print media. The challenge comes with the abundance of unhealthy media that permeate out culture. On one hand, there are some things in culture about which Christ-followers need to be informed in order to know how to speak the language of the culture. But how do we know what will drag believers down into sin? Where is the balance? What is appropriate and what is not for Christ-followers?

Recognizing the wisdom of feeding our spiritual natures, we have to discipline ourselves to make that happen (James 1:22-25). Old habits die hard, and the flesh seems committed to undermining spiritual nourishment. So, we have to nurture new habits.

A prescription for adults who want to help young people develop a healthy media diet might include these six ideas:

1. Even good kids need coaching. Just as a body driven by an Olympic dream and be seduced by a double cheeseburger or a triple scoop of ice cream, good kids from solid Christian homes and dynamic youth groups will be tempted to entertain themselves with movies, TV shows, and music that are little more than media junk food. That’s why student ministers need to guide even the most serious young Christians toward edifying choices. The level of coaching will need to change as the maturity of the student grows, but the hands-off approach rarely is effective.
2. Avoid a hit-list mentality. In most cases, for those learning to eat healthily, just throwing out sermonettes about nutrition doesn’t work. Instead of giving a rigid list of dietary do’s and don’ts, addressing each person on his or her own level is more effective. In a personal, caring way, discuss that person’s individual needs and goals and detail how the proper media diet can help accomplish them. In the same way, a heavy-handed attempt at controlling a student’s entertainment choices often breeds frustration. That’s because presenting adolescents with a “hit list” of forbidden fare doesn’t build critical thinking skills or involve them in godly decision-making. What does? Taking time to engage students in dialogue about content and messages framed in biblical standards in terms they understand.
3. Maintain a healthy relationship. It is hard to instruct those you do not know. Building a rapport with your teenagers can help you earn the right to give advice. Too many adults – both parents and leaders – believe they have a license to lecture simply because they’ve been around the track a few more times. A close day-to-day relationship is vital to our effectiveness as counselors.
4. Adapt diets to individuals. Recognize that a student’s age and maturity have a significant impact on his or her diet. So it is with popular media. For example, what might be acceptable for a teen may not be suitable for his or her 8-year-old sibling. Keep in mind that there, or course, poisons that should not be consumed by anyone.
5. Help students “dine out” wisely. Students eat best when they’re in a controlled environment, but it they’re at school or somewhere else, they can get into bad habits. Only those who have internalized a biblically based discernment message will leave home equipped to run the marathon of a holy life.
6. Accept your own limitations. Finally, realize all you can do is offer students perspective from your experience and wisdom. We can’t feed them. And though we hate to admit it, we can’t indefinitely control the media diets of the people we love, teens included. After we’ve done our prayerful best to give them healthy guidelines, it’s up to the student.

I have a confession to make. In the first few years of my ministry, I did not do a good job reaching the hard-to-reach crowd. In my first few years of ministry, I brought in students who looked like me, acted like me, and liked the same sort of things that I did.  After a discussion with a student ministry leader about my failure to reach the hard-to-reach student, I began to adapt my ministry and my attitude. 

Here are a few quick things God taught me through His Word and others He placed in my life:

1.      All people matter to God, and He desires to reach all nations. He reminds us that we are created “in His own image” (Gen. 1:27) and He died for everyone (John 3:16).

2.      Some people can be close to Him and still miss Him. Our role is to bring students to the foot of the cross and allow the Holy Spirit to draw them to God through Jesus. Judas Iscariot was with Jesus in close proximity but still missed Him. Many times we consider ourselves failures when some get away.

3.      Do not associate or work only with people who think and act just like you. A variety of personality types are needed to reach the multitudes of students who need Christ. Just by looking at the makeup of the 12 disciples, it is obvious God uses different types of people to fulfill His mission. Gather people in your student ministry who are multifaceted, come from different walks of life, and have differing personalities and spiritual giftings.

4.      Go hang our where the hard-to-reach students hang out. Within the last year a new skate park has opened in our town. I am not the skater type, but I have hung out there a few times over the past month. I put myself there to meet them where they are. It is not easy to care about reaching people we do not know.

5.      Ask these questions frequently of yourself and of others who work with you in ministry: “Who has God placed in our community for us to reach?  What are we going to do to reach them?” Learn to see people through the eyes of Christ as people for whom He died.

6.      Constantly remind students involved in your ministry that they are the best to reach other students. Do not just tell them, but provide tools and opportunities to invite their nonchurched friends and the people they see at school to opportunities your church provides.

7.      Do not hold all the meetings and activities at your church. Those who are hard to reach have no desire to come to your church. You may even have to help them forget or get past some of the hurtful times they have experienced at church.

8.      Invest time, some more time, and then a little more time with the hard-to-reach students. The present generation of students is longing for authentic relationships with someone who is real. Be real and be with them in settings that are non-threatening.

9.      Train your leaders and your students by modeling for them what it means to reach the hard-to-reach. Love and encourage then and help them to know through His Word and throughout His life, Christ reached out to the hard-to-reach.

10.  Pray that God will strengthen and encourage you, your students, and your leaders to be intentional in reaching those He has placed around your church.

The Samaritan woman in John 4 is a great example of how Jesus placed Himself where the hard-to-reach would be. As a result, many other Samaritans from that town also believed.

What about your town? Your church? The people God has placed in your community who desperately need Him? Are you intentional in praying? Are you intentional in planning? Are you intentional in going? They need you to reach them for Him.

Take a long look at your student enrollment and prospect file. What do you know about the people whose names appear on the roll? Do you know the families from which the students come? Today, students may be parented by biological parents, single parents, parent/stepparent, a parent and adult who cohabitate, grandparents, or guardians. Some parents find themselves in the “sandwich generation” – those parenting in both directions: children and youth are still in the home and aging parents who need care may be in the house or in close proximity. Some youth come from Christian homes and others come from homes in which the students are the only family members who have a relationship with Christ. In order to reach and minister to students, you must reach the total family.

Churches today need to recognize that we no longer minister to a society dominated by traditional families. Many of your students come from non-traditional families. They may be burdened with the personal baggage of rejection and/or misguided love. These emotions can manifest themselves in how individuals interact with others or with you as you minister. Yet, the church must realize that the inner circle of the teen’s life continues to be the family. Youth ministries cannot replace the family but they can impact young lives by providing a caring environment in which teens are loved, feel secure and safe, are encouraged to reach their full potential, develop relationships, and come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.

Here are some ways to connect with families:

·         When you call the home of a student, know the first and last names of the adults who reside in the home.

·         Parents enjoy positive words concerning their children. Tell parents why you are glad their teenagers are a part of your church’s ministry.

·         Parents who are divorced but still live the same town need to be placed on your mailing/contact sheets. Learn the schedule of the youth who spends alternating weekends with the other parent.

·         Recognize the stresses (financial, transportation, care for younger children) that are heightened in some non-traditional homes.

·         Recognize that you bring to families an awareness of youth culture.

·         Realize that non-churched parents may be reluctant to attend family activities. A park, restaurant, or sporting event may be more inviting.

These simple touches will strengthen the relationships you develop with your students and their families. As you minister to your students’ families, you strengthen the support and foundation of your young people. You literally say through both your words and actions that you care and want to partner with parents through your student ministry.

Sexual identity topics dominate the tabloids on many newsstands. What’s more, today’s mixed-up cultural values constantly invade Christian households. While godly parents try to “teach a youth about the way he should go” (Prov. 22:6), ungodly messages shout to teens from every angle. The home has become a major front in the battle for purity and healthy sexual identity formation. 

Distorted Messages
Well-known public figures report “coming out of the closet” in the cover stories of magazines and newspapers. Famous singers and actors promote sexual freedom and smirk at traditional family values. Couples live together outside of marriage. Television comedies affirm gay and lesbian lifestyles, while sexually explicit content dominates movies.

Teens easily “hook-up” with strangers on the Internet through social networks that sometimes accelerate a false sense of interactions and relationships. Teens are exposed to pornographic pictures and sexual messages that chisel away at Christian beliefs.

Prepare Yourself
Centuries ago, Paul warned believers about the dangers of the world’s influence on our lives. He pointed out that believers do not battle against flesh and blood but against unseen spiritual forces (Eph. 6:12). So, why are parents of teens caught off guard when the families encounter issues related to sexual identity?

In the face of an ungodly environment, parents can help. Teens may not say it, but they need and want parental attention. A common way teens cry out is to act out. As a result, parents need to be aware of what their teens are and are not saying.

Spend time with your teen. Observe what they do and ask questions. Listen to learn, not to give a lecture. Pray for the power to remain calm and to listen with love. Recently, sexual identity has become a problem with teens. Sadly, some parents reject the teens before there is any chance of healing. Remember that Jesus started by accepting people where they were. From there, he was able to lead them to a better place in loving and godly ways.

Parent Networking
Many parents are finding support through groups at churches and in homes. These groups usually meet once or twice a month to discuss ways to deal with a multitude of teen problems. Meetings can include: special speakers, panels, hands-on Internet training, parent/youth dialogs, fellowships, family meals, and prayer times. Topics covered have sometimes included: piercings, tattoos, text messaging, sexual identity problems, dating and limitations, understanding social online networking (MySpace, instant messaging, and online predators), parent/teen communication.

As you take note of the distorted sexual messages in our culture, use them as conversation starters with your teen. In the process, prepare yourself to be on guard and alert to face the mixed messages of our culture. Remember to listen more than you lecture and then find ways to fuel your tank by spending time with other parents. Your networking might save your teen as you compare notes with other parents and stand firm together against a culture of faulty sexual messages.

Written by Benny Dixon

I am somewhat of a health nut. With that said, I recently had to eat a kind of meat that I do not care for at all. It was brought about by overextending myself and not getting things done in a timely manner. My lack of “on-timeness” brought about great anguish, frustration, and even righteous anger directed toward me (and rightly so, I might add) ….and my least favorite meat to eat – crow. Thankfully, I have not had to eat it as a steady diet. 

Here are a few lessons that I have learned from this experience:

1.      People are counting on me to do what I say I will do. When I don’t keep my commitments, it causes everyone trouble.

2.      Failure to do my part in a timely manner is perceived as “you only care about yourself and really do not respect others.” Sounds harsh, but perception translates into reality. When I do not keep my commitments, everyone suffers.

3.      Sorry is a tough word to say. Admitting that I was wrong is the hardest part, but actually admitting it to someone else shows them honor and respect. They can accept my apology (which is always good), or they may trash me. No matter how they respond, it is right for me to apologize.

4.      Crow is not really good meat to eat. It swells up in my mouth as I chew it, and it is hard to swallow. A steady diet of it can wreak havoc on my testimony and witness.

5.      Forgiveness is a wonderful thing whether I am asking for it or granting it.

I am thankful that I serve a God of second chances. I am thankful that the people I have the opportunity to serve alongside in ministry are forgiving. I am also thankful that they confront me with weaknesses in my life. I can’t say I always like it, but I can say that I am thankful they care enough not to leave me the way I am. That is the great thing about God. He loves us too much to leave us that way.

If you need to admit you were wrong about something, I encourage you to make it right today. Take your bite of crow, say you are sorry, and ask for forgiveness. You can do it! You will strengthen your witness and set a godly example for others to follow. 

Benny Dixon is a 40-something worker with students, parents, and their leaders.

No boy is guaranteed the privilege of manhood because manhood is more than just physical maturity- it’s a vision of faith, discipline, and masculine nobility that directs life choices and shapes the boy’s core identity. Robert Lewis offers guidance and resources for fathers desiring to intentionally establish foundations for manhood into their sons.

Images of Manhood and CeremoniesI
If you doubt the power of vision, flip on your television. Look at the images of manhood. Too often you see men who never grew into manhood. They are indecisive, selfish, and altogether shallow. They run around many of the responsibilities of genuine manhood. Here’s the true reality: without an authentic vision for manhood, many adult males will spend their energies in self-serving, misguided ways.

Christian dads know what’s at stake in raising boys, and they try hard to do right. But even Christian fathers need the power of a manhood vision to guide their choices in life and to help them raise their sons to be men.

In every major culture in history, men banded together to pass on a manhood vision and to celebrate manhood ceremonies with their sons. In our era, manhood ceremonies have fallen on hard times. If we went by cultural cues, we’d conclude that today’s manhood ceremonies include activities such as chugging beer and mastering the X-box. For teenage boys, the only “manhood ceremonies” they ever experience are those they create for themselves. There is no man to guide and mentor them to manhood.

A Christian Model of Manhood
My manhood vision is based on the two most significant men in history: Adam and Jesus Christ. We all know what Adam did – or more precisely, what he did not do. When everything was on the line, he didn’t take responsibility. He ducked behind Eve. Adam’s failure was not just a moral failure, it was a manhood failure.

Jesus serves as the polar opposite to Adam. He faced challenges far greater than Adam, yet He held firm. His was a vision of faithfulness and nobility at all costs. Bringing together Adam and Jesus, we see that a good vision for manhood includes rejecting passivity, accepting responsibility, leading courageously, and expecting God’s greater reward.

Sons need to hear this message from their fathers. Sons need words of encouragement, a focus on strengths instead of weaknesses. Sons need to hear how they can use their talents in positive, life-giving ways that match God’s vision for manhood.

The Manhood Model at Home
Sons need to see fathers modeling manhood at home, especially with the son’s mother. How a man interacts with his wife teaches the son how to act at home. The son will copy his father from the earliest years. The son is like a blank template, waiting to be pressed in the proper shape.

If your son is already in the teen years or the relationship has been difficult, it’s never too late for a fresh start. Sons want to connect to their fathers, no matter how old they are and no matter how badly you may have messed things up. If you have missed the mark with your son, now is the time to start anew. Go to a few Christian men for counsel. When the time is right, go to your son and apologize for letting your interests distract you from the relationship he needs with you.

Fathers, it’s up to you to share the power of a Christian vision for manhood with your son. Nature won’t do it for you, and our culture will only deposit a miscast vision that leads to regret. Take responsibility for raising your son. If you do, you’ll someday know the satisfaction of watching your son drive off to college prepared – not just to take his classes seriously, but also to take the call to authentic manhood seriously.

How many times have you traveled and left some important items at home? It happens to all of us from time to time. We find ourselves wasting time and resources trying to replace certain items, or we simply try to survive without them.  Sometimes, however, going without them is not an option. 

This happens often in youth ministry, and you may not even realize it. Youth pastors travel far and wide to reach students, yet leave some of the most basic tools behind.  We’ve got to grab hold of the one tool that youth understand and use every day – the internet.

Many of you have no idea where to start. I constantly hear questions such as “Don’t I need to know HTML to build a website?” or “How much money will this take?” After reading this article, hopefully you will have some ideas about where to begin.  

Here are four free tools you can use on the internet to reach your students:

·         Social Networks – These exist to help people connect online. Ask your students which ones they are using, and create profiles on them. This will allow you to see what your students are talking about, who they are communicating with, and keep you informed about what is relevant to their generation.  Create groups on these networks for your youth group, which will help you keep your students updated and serve as a landing page for their friends to learn more.

Recommended: Facebook (http://www.facebook.com)

·         Blogs  – A blog is one of the easiest tools to manage to inform both students and their parents. There are several websites that offer free blog accounts. Before you start writing, make sure you are being intentional. Whether it is a post about last night’s football game or a mission trip update for parents, keep it short and to the point. People don’t enjoy reading novels on screen. Write a new post a couple of times a week.

Recommended: WordPress (http://www.wordpress.com)

·         Video Sharing – If you don’t have a video camera or can’t afford one, keep it simple. Use your cell phone or a webcam. Publishing a video is entirely free on many video sharing websites. Use funny and interesting videos to connect with your youth to make announcements, convey a spiritual message, or just give them something fun to watch.

Recommended: Vimeo (http://www.vimeo.com)

·         Photo Sharing – Like video, there are several free photo-sharing sites. Social networks let you create albums as well. Post pictures from recent youth events and share them with your students. Offering valuable content like pictures will keep them coming back often, allowing you to use the internet as a constant channel of communication.

Recommended: Flickr (http://www.flickr.com)

Never forget that your content is up against literally everything else on the internet. What does this mean for you? You must update your accounts frequently. Set aside a time (or two or three) each week to upload to videos and pictures. If you’re using social networks, update your status a few times a day so people will know that you are active.

A piece of advice for those who are ready to jump in: don’t create more profiles than you can manage. Start by using one site for each type of media. 

Balance Resources with Personality

Perhaps the hardest part of being involved in social media is choosing what to say and when. There is no perfect formula for this. However, one recommendation I always make is to balance resources with personal updates. Yes, of course you want your students to read a daily devotion – so post one to your profiles daily. However, don’t be a robot! If you just fell out of the chair at your desk – tell them. The more personality you show, the more receptive they will be to the resources you provide. And let’s not forget – the root of what you are trying to do is taking advantage of the internet to build relationships with students. 

Raising teens is tough, but when teens want to start dating things can get even tougher. Here is help for parents of teens in making sure their teens have healthy relationships.

Prep early.
Ideally, the process of preparing your teen to date should start when he or she is young. Healthy dating is, in part, about learning how to relate well to others (and it’s never too early to teach that). Kids learn from watching others and will build their worldviews based on what they see around them.

If you want your teen to live out functional relationships, do what you can to create a healthy and Christ-centered living experience for them. Get involved in a small group at church. Invite other families over for dinner or a movie and popcorn. Expose your kids to others who live Christ-centered lives.

Fill in the gaps.
Teens need to see healthy male-female relationships modeled at home. Statistically, abusive relationships are increasing among even young adolescents, so it’s important to find ways to teach your teens about respectful opposite-sex relationships. Talk openly about what’s OK and what’s not OK in relationships.

Talk openly.
God told the Israelites to talk about His commands with their children at home and as they went about their daily lives.

Help your teens decide before the first date where the limits are and how to stick to them. Talk about sex. Talk about expectations. Talk about treating others – and being treated with respect. Talk about how to get out of situations that aren’t healthy. 

Dialogue with other families. You’re not the only one going through teen-dating dilemmas, so find out how other Christian parents are dealing with them.

Think through it.
Have a plan, including rules and guidelines. This isn’t the time to be your kid’s friend. Your job as a parent is to be responsible and set God-honoring boundaries for your child.

Think through important questions. What age will your son or daughter be allowed to date? (Dating too young can lead to getting physical, and younger teens don’t’ necessarily have the skills to navigate the difficulties of relationships.) Who will your teen be allowed to date? How will you respond when your freshman wants to date a senior? When are group dates allowed, and when are one-on-one dates allowed? Agree as a family with mother and father on the same page with dating expectations.

No crash course can prepare you for all you’ll face parenting teens, but open dialogue will help ensure that when dilemmas come up, you and your teen can work through them together.