Every person in your church brings a variety of emotional, physical, psychological, and spiritual needs. Your college students also have a variety of needs that are specific to this season in their lives. Here is a list of life needs for students that can help guide your collegiate ministry.

·         Students are seeking a place to belong.

·         Many come from dysfunctional families. They seek a stable environment and people to love them.

·         Students today experience and/or are aware of abuse. They are looking for people who do not take advantage of them physically or sexually.

·         Collegians live with repressed emotions. They are seeking a support group that understands their emotions and accepts them for who they are and who they want to become.

·         They are seeking a sexual identity. Students see more severe consequences of morality. With sexually transmitted diseases on the rise, students are seeking ways to remain sexually pure.

·         Students today demonstrate a lack of commitment – yet they are willing to join most anything that will address the needs in their lives. They have no brand loyalty, including the church.

·         Students today want personal contact. They want to know the people they go to class/church with. They want to know if these people can be friends.

·         Students experience more stress and have a need to learn how to relax and enjoy more of life. Is there more to life than a college dorm on Saturday night?

·         They seek traditional lives in nontraditional ways. They may postpone marriage and children until they establish their careers. Being well-off financially is more important than developing a meaningful faith.

·         Students have a hunger for spiritual truth. They need to internalize their faith. Yet many are giving less energy to developing their own spiritual lives.

·         Collegians are highly skeptical but generally respond to people who are authentic with them.

·         Students have limited time, therefore they make choices more carefully about what they do and don’t do. If a program begins to weaken, your program may not be meeting his needs.

·         Students endeavor to discover their strengths and weaknesses, to see who they are and how they relate to and affect their world. They have a need to discover their own identity – who they are.

·         Students need to understand the importance of Christian fellowship.

·         Students are creating a new family every day.

At 14, a teenager can’t legally drive, purchase tobacco, or vote. But, thanks to a nation’s fixation on the sexual practices of a former president and increasingly explicit coming-of-age films like the American Pie series, oral sex is something teenagers know all about. We are raising a generation so “sexualized” that even the moral compass of many conservative Christian teens are skewed.

How Did We Get Here?
Aside from obvious cultural influences of the media and Hollywood, one main contributor to the way teens view sex education is presented in schools and in public health campaigns. With the onset of AIDS came a shift in sex-education. Programs became either “abstinence based” or presented a “safe sex” message. One-in-three high school programs are now abstinence based thus preventing educators from even addressing the risks of oral and anal sex.

It’s widely agreed among health-care professionals that in both cases, teens are interpreting “no sex” as not having vaginal intercourse, and that as long as a condom is worn or penetration is avoided, other types of sexual behaviors are not considered “sex” and thus are “safe.” So, if you ask a teenager if she’s abstaining from sex, she may honestly respond, “yes,” when in fact she is active in sexual behaviors like oral sex, anal sex, and/or mutual stimulation.

Truth and Consequences
Traditionally, oral sex is an extremely intimate act that follows marriage and vaginal intercourse. But the creativity of adolescence has made oral sex a loophole for not crossing the perceived line of virginity. They don’t believe they’ve lost their virginity because they’re not having “sex.” The truth is that “virginal” means pure, clean, and undefiled. To commit adult sexual acts means there will be many immediate and long-term emotional and spiritual consequences to pay. Students need to know the high risk of physical consequences.

More than 3 million American teens (one in four 15-19 year olds) contract an STD each year, according to the Sexuality Information & Education Council of the United States. The CDC currently reports:

·         40% of all chlamydia cases (which leads to infertility) are in 15-19 year olds

·         Teens have the highest gonorrhea rate

·         Teens are at the highest risk for hepatitis B

·         The number of herpes cases in white teens was five times greater in the 1990’s than in the 1970’s.

Teenage girls are particularly susceptible to STD’s because of the immaturity of their reproductive organs makes them less resistant to infection. A 2001 Kaiser Family Foundation survey of 500 male and female teens showed:

·         72% were sexually active

·         93% didn’t think they were at risk for a STD

·         25% didn’t think an STD could be transmitted by oral sex or manual stimulation.

Perceived safety nets such as condoms and dental dams (for use with oral sex) only reduce the risks. These behaviors are sex, and there is no guaranteed safe way to participate in them.

The Parental X-Factor
Encourage parents to talk with their teens about sex. Don’t let parents fall prey to the myth that talking to their teens about sex will somehow lead them to start having sex. Teach parents to use the following to help their teens deal with the mounting sexual pressure in our culture:

1.      Educate yourself about the range of teen sexual behavior, including current slang, and trends in teen relationships.

2.      Accept the reality that whether you’re aware or not, your teen is interested in sex.

3.      Require your teen to spend more one-on-one time with just you.

4.      Keep conversations open and loving, no matter what teens have to share.

5.      Look for natural opportunities to talk to your teen about sex. Don’t be afraid of taboo topics like self or mutual stimulation. Research topics together that are informative on sex, dating, and relationships.

6.      Be vigilant in your parenting. Walk teens through moral decisions instead of telling them how it will be.

7.      Define romantic love and how waiting for marriage is what God intended. Explain why with biblical truths.

8.      Pray daily for your teen’s protection and guidance.

Most people know director Sam Raimi for his blockbuster Spider-Man movies—or perhaps from A Simple Plan, his underappreciated tragic tale of greed. But he first burst onto the scene in the ‘80s with the Evil Dead series—over-the-top campy horror films that were large on both gore and laughs. Well he’s come back to mine that same vein in his latest film, Drag Me to Hell

“At the moment she has to make her choice, I want the audience to make that choice with her. They sin with her.”

Most teenagers won’t be familiar with, or care about, his previous horror films; they’ll only know that this is a horror film that’s only rated PG-13.

Make no mistakes: This is not the torture-porn horror that’s (unfortunately) been so prevalent in recent years, as seen in films such as Hostel and the Saw franchise. Nor is it another American remake of a better-done Japanese horror film. Raimi’s horror makes you cringe and laugh at the same time—it’s quite a feat.

The film opens with a bang, as a couple brings their young son to a medium. He’s stolen a gypsy necklace and been cursed. The poor child is thrown over a balcony, and the ground literally opens up and spectral hands reach out of the depths and drag him down to “hell.”

Fast-forward a few years and the main story revolves around Christine Brown (Alison Lohman), a sweet young loan officer who’s dating college professor Clay Dalton (Justin Long) and trying to move up in the world. Clay’s family is very wealthy, and they don’t approve of him dating a “farm girl” when he could do so much better. So Christine listens to speech CDs on the way into work to get rid of her drawl, and she says no to sweets because she used to be heavy as a teenager. She’s doing everything she can to “better” herself and win the approval of Clay’s parents.

She’s also up for a big promotion at work, but she’s got competition in the form of sleazy Stu Rubin (Reggie Lee), who also wants the job. Trouble begins when Mrs. Ganush comes in looking for an extension on her home payment. She’s one of the most hilariously gruesome old ladies I’ve ever seen in film. Christine is forced to make a choice between the compassionate thing for this woman and the best thing for the bank. She sides with the bank.

This leads to a well-done, disgusting, and funny fight between Christine and Mrs. Ganush in a parking garage. When all is said and done, Mrs. Ganush has managed to curse Christine, using a button from her coat.

What’s interesting is the moral dilemma Raimi (who co-wrote the film with his brother), gives Christine. She’s just doing her job, and it’s neither her nor the bank’s fault that Mrs. Ganush can’t pay. So is it wrong to disallow the extension? In an interview, Raimi said, “This is a young woman who thinks she’s a good person, but she acts out of greed….At the moment she has to make her choice, I want the audience to make that choice with her. They sin with her.”

So now she’s tormented by a Lamia, an evil spirit that will make Christine’s life hell for three days before pulling her down to the real thing. So she decides to visit a shaman to help her get rid of the curse. His suggestions include blood sacrifice (not Christ’s, mind you, but an animal), and attending a séance complete with human and animal possessions.

When none of that works, she finds out she can give the curse to someone else by turning over ownership of that cursed button. [Spoiler alert.] She has an opportunity to give the curse to Stu, the bank rival who did her wrong. But she chooses not to do that, and seeks another way. I won’t ruin the saw-it-coming-from-a-mile-away ending, but it does fit the tone of the film well.

I’m not recommending you or your teenagers see this, despite how well done it is. But we know teenagers will see it, and there’s so much wonky theology here that it would be irresponsible of us to just let it float out there, unanswered and unaddressed. If you’re dragged to this film, at least be prepared.

Rated PG-13 for sequences of horror violence, terror, disturbing images and language.

Discussion Questions:

What would you have done in Christine’s place at the bank? Explain.

Was her decision a sin? Why or why not?

Is it possible to “better ourselves” by changing the way we talk or our appearance? Explain.

Do you believe that hell exists? Explain.

Is it possible for someone to curse you to hell? Why or why not?

Why do people go to hell? Is there any way to escape that fate? Explain.

Would you have given the button to Stu? Why or why not?

Do you think Christine “deserved” what she got? Why or why not?

Written by Sam S. Rainer III

Many people realize that the church is losing people. What is not realized is that the vast majority of people drop out as students and young adults. In fact, research reveals that seven out of 10 people who drop out of the church will do so between the ages of 18 and 22.

This age group gives a variety of reasons for the departure: They wanted a break from church. They didn’t connect with the people in the church. They perceived existing church members as out of touch with current reality. The results boiled down to one simple reason: Church was not essential to them.

Instead of finding meaning in the church, students and young adults are finding it in the culture around them. Some blame resides with the students who don’t like the answers the church gives, but churches have done a poor job of demonstrating for students how believers are salt and light of culture, the flavor and guide of society.

Ultimately, church and culture don’t have to be mutually exclusive. The church should be the place where students learn how to interact with the culture without being swept into it. What are some practical ways churches and parents can help stem the tide of a young adult exodus?

1.      Talk about your faith. The young generation not only wants to see faith in action, they desire for their parents to have a conversation with them about why their faith is important.

2.      Give encouragement during life changes. Many dropouts we interviewed stated that a life change prompted their departure. One consistent way to help students through these life changes is to be a source of encouragement and support.

3.      Empower students to serve. The more students serve in the church, the higher the likelihood that they’ll stay in the church. Don’t wait until students reach the age of 18 to ask them to serve. Find creative ways to get all ages involved in serving.

4.      Surround students with mature adult believers. The greater the number of adults directly involved in a student’s life, the higher the probability that he or she will remain in the church. Conversely, our research also found that if students have few adults involved in their lives, the likelihood they drop out of church is greater. The heart of the church dropout problem exists within a short four-year window. If the dropout problem is solved with students in this age group, then the church dropout problem in general is remedied. I’m confident that parents, family members, friends, and other church members can rally behind students, connect with them, and model Jesus’ way of relating to the world.

Additional Suggestions for Parents of High School Graduates

·         Before your student leaves for college, help him research area churches with effective college ministries.

·         Encourage your student to visit several churches with collegiate ministries. Ask her about his visit and how the church compares to her home church.

·         Discuss the possibilities of your student moving his church membership while away from home for four years. If might help him stay connected instead of constantly feeling like a visitor in someone else’s church.

·         Help your student try to find campus ministries to join in an effort to find other believers who will hopefully be connected to and active in a local church while away at college.

·         If your church is not currently ministering to collegiates, volunteer to begin a college ministry to not only help your student stay connected to your church during the collegiate years, but to help them find connections in their college town where they go to school.

·         A care package ministry from your church can help your student know that your church continues to care even when he is away. If your church doesn’t have this ministry, volunteer to get the names of all the college students and find church members to adopt a collegiate for the year. Those connections with church members will build trust and give your students people to turn to back home regarding prayer requests and needs.

Sam S. Rainer III is pastor, co-author of Essential Church: Reclaiming a Generation of Dropouts (B&H), and president of Rainer Research. 

Take a long look at your student enrollment and prospect file. What do you know about the people whose names appear on the roll? Do you know the families from which the students come? Today, students may be parented by biological parents, single parents, parent/stepparent, a parent and adult who cohabitate, grandparents, or guardians. Some parents find themselves in the “sandwich generation” – those parenting in both directions: children and youth are still in the home and aging parents who need care may be in the house or in close proximity. Some youth come from Christian homes and others come from homes in which the students are the only family members who have a relationship with Christ. In order to reach and minister to students, you must reach the total family.

Churches today need to recognize that we no longer minister to a society dominated by traditional families. Many of your students come from non-traditional families. They may be burdened with the personal baggage of rejection and/or misguided love. These emotions can manifest themselves in how individuals interact with others or with you as you minister. Yet, the church must realize that the inner circle of the teen’s life continues to be the family. Youth ministries cannot replace the family but they can impact young lives by providing a caring environment in which teens are loved, feel secure and safe, are encouraged to reach their full potential, develop relationships, and come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.

Here are some ways to connect with families:

·         When you call the home of a student, know the first and last names of the adults who reside in the home.

·         Parents enjoy positive words concerning their children. Tell parents why you are glad their teenagers are a part of your church’s ministry.

·         Parents who are divorced but still live the same town need to be placed on your mailing/contact sheets. Learn the schedule of the youth who spends alternating weekends with the other parent.

·         Recognize the stresses (financial, transportation, care for younger children) that are heightened in some non-traditional homes.

·         Recognize that you bring to families an awareness of youth culture.

·         Realize that non-churched parents may be reluctant to attend family activities. A park, restaurant, or sporting event may be more inviting.

These simple touches will strengthen the relationships you develop with your students and their families. As you minister to your students’ families, you strengthen the support and foundation of your young people. You literally say through both your words and actions that you care and want to partner with parents through your student ministry.

Worship is your life surrendered to God in every aspect. Many times we as youth leaders we allow our students to mistake a worship experience as praise, singing, & dancing. Singing and dancing are forms worship but not true worship. Teach your students true authentic worship reflects every aspect of their lives. We must Worship the Lord in Spirit and in Truth (John 4:23-24… Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth.”)

 Teach your students:  Who you are and the way you live that count before God. It’s who you are at school, work, your grades, attitudes and who they are within their relationships. God is concerned about every aspect of our lives. Youth leaders it’s time raise the standard as it relates to Worship. It goes far beyond the bands, praise teams, dance teams, drama ministry and events. Who cares if your band is hitting every note or if you have the best dance team in town! What is the heart condition of those who are worshipping? True worship encompasses our whole being. Worship involves everything about you; everything that you do and every part of your life. Help your students understand how to Worship the Father in Spirit and in Truth. To the degree that your life is submitted to God, to that degree you are a true worshiper. This heart posture creates a wonderful worship experience!

Whether we realize it or not, we have a huge impact on our teen’s sense of self-worth. In fact, parents with poor self-esteem usually translate their insecurities to their children, while parents with strong self-esteem usually raise children who view themselves positively. That means you need to be your teen’s greatest champion. Here are 12 ways to cheer him on.

1. Encourage proper identity. Teens experience pressure to succeed at an early age. As a result, they can grow discouraged or feel like they can’t measure up to our hopes or their own goals. Encourage your teen to base her self-worth on who she is in Christ, not what she does. Let her relationship with Christ be her chief identifier.

2. Listen. As parents, we often talk “at” our teens rather than taking the time to listen to them. Cultivate the art of listening. Avoid formulating a mental comeback while your teen is speaking, but really listen to discern fears and emotions behind his words. Let your teen know you are available any time she wants to talk.

3. Validate feelings and opinions. It’s really hard to live in a house where opinions aren’t valued and where you’re not allowed to express emotion. Consider having family forums – times of discussion that involve all family members. Let each family member have a voice.

4. Console and comfort. Your teen may be having some emotional battles at school or in relationships. Each teen faces these challenges differently. Remember that what seems insignificant to you could be a crisis to her.

5. Notice strengths and downplay weaknesses. It’s easy to view life critically, constantly pointing out the negatives and rarely recognizing the good. Not only does this undermine self-worth, but it also models a critical spirit they are likely to adopt as adults. Instead, compliment the things he is going right.

6. Bless with touch. As children grow, we tend to stop touching them. This creates distance, and they wonder if they still matter. Just because your teen is older doesn’t mean she no longer needs your touch.

7. Pray aloud. Nothing makes a teen feel more special than hearing his parents pray for him. Avoid using prayers to address problems in a round-about way. Let your prayers be affirming and filled with blessings and gratitude for your teen.

8. Discover spiritual gifts. Helping your teen discover her spiritual gifts is a great way to boost her self-esteem. Your church may even provide an assessment of spiritual strengths.

9. Cultivate a sense of heritage. Feeling a connection to “roots” (both genetically and spiritually) helps teens develop a sense of identity and enhances self-worth. Share strengths, weaknesses, and spiritual stories from your family in an effort to teach and train your teen.

10. Provide decision-making opportunities. Teens learn by making decisions and experiencing consequences. Providing your teen with decision-making opportunities sends the message that you trust him. After all, it’s better to let him test his decision-making skills at home than later at college.

11. Don’t harp on body image. The world sends the message that unless you are one of the “beautiful people” you are no one. Help your teen build a sense of self-worth from something other than what her body looks like. Model healthy eating and exercise habits, but resist the urge to criticize your own body or your teen’s.

12. Say “I love you” often and mean it. Let every greeting and every parting include an “I love you,” even when you are angry with your teen. Regardless of the circumstances, these teens are a precious heritage and a gift from God.

This blog was written by Courtney Harkness one of the great minds in youth ministry that I have the honor and privilege of working with everyday. Courtney presents a new perspective and high standard, as it relates to teens and dating.

It’s difficult to talk to any teenager for any length of time without eventually hitting the topic of dating.  For many of them, it seems to be their top priority.  The status and affirmation they receive from a dating relationship often times fills the void they may feel from other significant, but missing, relationships.  Of course, having a teenage crush is a natural part of growing up, but is taking the next step to boyfriend/girlfriend necessary?   Should teenage dating be considered too much, too soon?  The culture seems to fully endorse teenage romance, even with all of the recent stories of dating violence.  And even the temptation of premarital sex doesn’t seem to deter families from pushing their teens to pursue romantic relationships at an early age.  Teen dating is so pervasive throughout our culture that most people accept it as innocent – but is it really?  The possessive labels of “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” usually imply expectations that most teens are not ready to handle.  More often than not, teenagers find themselves compromising or crossing boundaries just to maintain the romance.  Relationships are difficult, even for adults, and teens are far less equipped to deal with the pressures.  So, is teenage dating as harmless as the culture makes it seem, or have we become so numbed by our sexually charged culture that we fail to recognize when our children are in danger?

Current statistics warn us of serious teen problems that are connected to romantic relationships.  Rising teenage pregnancy, an epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases, and increasing emotional health issues due to broken hearts – these are all byproducts of unhealthy relationships.  We must consider what impact we could have on these issues if teens weren’t as eager to rush into romance.  It may seem impossible to change, but these risks are flooding teenage culture with temptations that are so effective that they must be intentionally coming from somewhere – or maybe from someone.  With that perspective, teenage dating begins to look more and more like an enticing trap.  No need to fear, though, because scripture gives us encouragement:

When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the LORD shall lift up a standard against him.

Isaiah 59:19 (KJV)

This verse teaches that God uses a high standard as a defense against temptation.  If we can raise a new standard amongst teenagers, then we can protect them against the many relationship dangers.  If we could delay romantic relationships until the teenage years have passed – until they’ve matured a bit more – how much more healthy could their future relationship be?  I challenge teens to exchange their romantic relationships for healthy friendships.  It may sound unpopular, but it would prove 100% effective for guarding their hearts.  A teenager with a higher standard and deeper conviction against premature dating will have no problems with emotional baggage or resisting premarital sex.  It’s only when people step close to their boundaries that they find themselves slipping across.  And too many teens are slipping – it’s time to raise the bar.    

What are your thoughts as it relates to Teens and Dating?

1. EDUCATE: Educate the congregation about young adults and their needs. A good way to do this is through a Sunday service dedicated to young adult issues. If you have a minister ask him/her to do one, or consider asking a young adult in your congregation to do service on what it is like for them to be young and part of a UU spiritual community. Perhaps they could do it together.

2. INVESTIGATE: Find out what your congregation already does (or does not do) for young adults, and for youth as they age out of our youth programs. Do you have a young adult group? A youth group? An annual bridging ceremony that celebrates the transition from youth to young adulthood? What do you do to keep in touch with youth from your congregation after they graduate from high school?

3. INVITE: Be hospitable. Have a young adult greeter (official or unofficial) on Sunday morning who pays particular attention to the young adults who come to the worship service. Invite young adults to be a part of your congregation and its leadership.

4. WORSHIP: Ask a young adult to help you view the worship service through YA eyes. Who are the visible people in leadership? Is the service participatory? Ask a young adult to do a reading, light the Chalice or lead some music. What is the pace of the service, the music? Young adults generally like a variety of music. Take a moment to read “Weaving Worship to Welcome Young Adults”, which you will find in the information packet. Consider ordering the Soulful Sundown guide for some tips on making worship more contemporary.

5.ASK: If you have a few young adults in your congregation, gather them together and ask them what they need; worship, discussion, social time, service opportunities. Ask a young adult to share with you what they see when they walk through the door on a Sunday morning. Listen when they answer you.

6.PUBLICIZE: Hold well publicized, regularly scheduled meetings, in a public space, preferably at the church. Use different methods of communication: e-mail, web site, phone calls, flyers/posters and newsletters.

7.SUPPORT: Be an ally to young adults in your congregations but they need to provide the leadership for the group. Don’t patronize young adults by assuming they’ll do the nasty jobs around your congregation or that they’re children who need your guidance.

8. FOOD: After church brunches (or dinners before or after an evening worship service) are one of the most successful means for young adults to get connected with each other. Go every Sunday to an inexpensive restaurant; make sure it is the same place and same time for the folks who get there late. Consider having a dinner at the congregation to which non-young adult members bring the food.

9. BE INVOLVED: This generation of young adults volunteer at a higher rate than many older generations. They want to be involved with congregations that are involved with social justice and social service in the larger community. They seek opportunities connect their values to the larger world, so provide them in your congregation, and be prepared for the challenges that young adults will bring in this area.

LATEST NEWS : CRITICS POINT OUT FLAWS IN NEW ANTI-PLEDGE RESEARCH
POSTED: JAN 07, 2009

A new study by social health professionals claiming to find no benefit to abstinence pledges by teens has received wide coverage in the mainstream press. Critics of the research have been quick to point out, however, that the study’s conclusion was reached by carefully choosing data to destroy a straw man. Any abstinence educator worth his or her salt knows that a pledge alone—without support from peers, family, or community—can’t be relied upon to influence a teen for the long term. The study actually reinforces the value of that support in building character and maturity in young people—traits which encourage positive choices in all areas of their lives.

There were many responses to the anti-pledge media blitz. The following are some of our favorites:
“Abstinence Researcher Says New Study Bashing Virginity Pledges is Faulty” by Steven Ertelt (http://www.lifenews.com/nat4687.html)
“Like a Virgin: The Press Take On Teenage Sex” by William McGurn (http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123120095259855597.html?mod=djemEditorialPage#printMode)
“7 Factors That Foster Teen Virginity, Pledge or No Pledge” by Bernadine Healy, MD (http://www.usnews.com/blogs/heart-to-heart/2008/12/30/7-factors-that-foster-teen-virginity-pledge-or-no-pledge.html#read_more)
“Talking About Sex-Ed that Works” by Kathryn Jean Lopez (http://townhall.com/columnists/KathrynJeanLopez/2008/12/30/talking_about_sex-ed_that_works?page=1)

We address Teens and Sex each year at our church. We have a unique approach because we address the Taboo issues no one else likes to discuss. We also bring in our parents for a session during the conference. Because of the vast need to discuss this topic; we open our conference and sessions up to all who would like to attend. I have seen some amazing things happen. I have college students that are still holding true to the commitment they made back in 2003, when we first did our conference. We also have some that have not kept their commitments. One thing they cannot deny is the truth they recieved. Whether they embrace it or not their story will never be, I was never told. Many kids or told not to do drugs but they still continue do we stop the message of “Say No to Drugs” because a few choose not to listen? I don’t think so. Fifty one percent of American teens are not having sex. That’s more than half; what could that number look like if there was a strategy developed to help families in our care? I believe we should step up or game and educate parents on how to respond to the crisis in their teens world. It’s not time to shut up but SPEAK UP!

How do you address sex with your Teens?