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This blog was written by Courtney Harkness one of the great minds in youth ministry that I have the honor and privilege of working with everyday. Courtney presents a new perspective and high standard, as it relates to teens and dating.
It’s difficult to talk to any teenager for any length of time without eventually hitting the topic of dating. For many of them, it seems to be their top priority. The status and affirmation they receive from a dating relationship often times fills the void they may feel from other significant, but missing, relationships. Of course, having a teenage crush is a natural part of growing up, but is taking the next step to boyfriend/girlfriend necessary? Should teenage dating be considered too much, too soon? The culture seems to fully endorse teenage romance, even with all of the recent stories of dating violence. And even the temptation of premarital sex doesn’t seem to deter families from pushing their teens to pursue romantic relationships at an early age. Teen dating is so pervasive throughout our culture that most people accept it as innocent – but is it really? The possessive labels of “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” usually imply expectations that most teens are not ready to handle. More often than not, teenagers find themselves compromising or crossing boundaries just to maintain the romance. Relationships are difficult, even for adults, and teens are far less equipped to deal with the pressures. So, is teenage dating as harmless as the culture makes it seem, or have we become so numbed by our sexually charged culture that we fail to recognize when our children are in danger?
Current statistics warn us of serious teen problems that are connected to romantic relationships. Rising teenage pregnancy, an epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases, and increasing emotional health issues due to broken hearts – these are all byproducts of unhealthy relationships. We must consider what impact we could have on these issues if teens weren’t as eager to rush into romance. It may seem impossible to change, but these risks are flooding teenage culture with temptations that are so effective that they must be intentionally coming from somewhere – or maybe from someone. With that perspective, teenage dating begins to look more and more like an enticing trap. No need to fear, though, because scripture gives us encouragement:
When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the LORD shall lift up a standard against him.
Isaiah 59:19 (KJV)
This verse teaches that God uses a high standard as a defense against temptation. If we can raise a new standard amongst teenagers, then we can protect them against the many relationship dangers. If we could delay romantic relationships until the teenage years have passed – until they’ve matured a bit more – how much more healthy could their future relationship be? I challenge teens to exchange their romantic relationships for healthy friendships. It may sound unpopular, but it would prove 100% effective for guarding their hearts. A teenager with a higher standard and deeper conviction against premature dating will have no problems with emotional baggage or resisting premarital sex. It’s only when people step close to their boundaries that they find themselves slipping across. And too many teens are slipping – it’s time to raise the bar.
What are your thoughts as it relates to Teens and Dating?
