The New Virginity

At 14, a teenager can’t legally drive, purchase tobacco, or vote. But, thanks to a nation’s fixation on the sexual practices of a former president and increasingly explicit coming-of-age films like the American Pie series, oral sex is something teenagers know all about. We are raising a generation so “sexualized” that even the moral compass of many conservative Christian teens are skewed.

How Did We Get Here?
Aside from obvious cultural influences of the media and Hollywood, one main contributor to the way teens view sex education is presented in schools and in public health campaigns. With the onset of AIDS came a shift in sex-education. Programs became either “abstinence based” or presented a “safe sex” message. One-in-three high school programs are now abstinence based thus preventing educators from even addressing the risks of oral and anal sex.

It’s widely agreed among health-care professionals that in both cases, teens are interpreting “no sex” as not having vaginal intercourse, and that as long as a condom is worn or penetration is avoided, other types of sexual behaviors are not considered “sex” and thus are “safe.” So, if you ask a teenager if she’s abstaining from sex, she may honestly respond, “yes,” when in fact she is active in sexual behaviors like oral sex, anal sex, and/or mutual stimulation.

Truth and Consequences
Traditionally, oral sex is an extremely intimate act that follows marriage and vaginal intercourse. But the creativity of adolescence has made oral sex a loophole for not crossing the perceived line of virginity. They don’t believe they’ve lost their virginity because they’re not having “sex.” The truth is that “virginal” means pure, clean, and undefiled. To commit adult sexual acts means there will be many immediate and long-term emotional and spiritual consequences to pay. Students need to know the high risk of physical consequences.

More than 3 million American teens (one in four 15-19 year olds) contract an STD each year, according to the Sexuality Information & Education Council of the United States. The CDC currently reports:

·         40% of all chlamydia cases (which leads to infertility) are in 15-19 year olds

·         Teens have the highest gonorrhea rate

·         Teens are at the highest risk for hepatitis B

·         The number of herpes cases in white teens was five times greater in the 1990’s than in the 1970’s.

Teenage girls are particularly susceptible to STD’s because of the immaturity of their reproductive organs makes them less resistant to infection. A 2001 Kaiser Family Foundation survey of 500 male and female teens showed:

·         72% were sexually active

·         93% didn’t think they were at risk for a STD

·         25% didn’t think an STD could be transmitted by oral sex or manual stimulation.

Perceived safety nets such as condoms and dental dams (for use with oral sex) only reduce the risks. These behaviors are sex, and there is no guaranteed safe way to participate in them.

The Parental X-Factor
Encourage parents to talk with their teens about sex. Don’t let parents fall prey to the myth that talking to their teens about sex will somehow lead them to start having sex. Teach parents to use the following to help their teens deal with the mounting sexual pressure in our culture:

1.      Educate yourself about the range of teen sexual behavior, including current slang, and trends in teen relationships.

2.      Accept the reality that whether you’re aware or not, your teen is interested in sex.

3.      Require your teen to spend more one-on-one time with just you.

4.      Keep conversations open and loving, no matter what teens have to share.

5.      Look for natural opportunities to talk to your teen about sex. Don’t be afraid of taboo topics like self or mutual stimulation. Research topics together that are informative on sex, dating, and relationships.

6.      Be vigilant in your parenting. Walk teens through moral decisions instead of telling them how it will be.

7.      Define romantic love and how waiting for marriage is what God intended. Explain why with biblical truths.

8.      Pray daily for your teen’s protection and guidance.